Separation anxiety is not just tough for kids, it is absolutely heartbreaking for us as mums! It can leave us feeling emotionally raw, bawling our eyes out in the hallway of a child care centre or in our car after the horrendous goodbye. It can make us feel really angry – why is this happening to us? Why is it so hard? Why is it taking THIS long for my child to adjust? ARGH….. Then comes the guilt. Know what I’m talking about?

Both of my kids really struggled with separation anxiety as toddlers so I am very well versed both in some tips to help reduce it in your children, as well as all the emotions we face as mums. I’ve cried in hallways and lost it in frustration, anger and emotional exhaustion.

We know that it is a completely normal part of child development and it also indicates that your child has a strong attachment to you, but in the moment, it doesn’t really help, does it?

Suggestions

A couple of really good books to read to your child are The Invisible String and A Kissing Hand for Chester Raccoon. Both of these books had huge circulation in my home with my kids when they were struggling with separation.

One of the things I implemented with my daughter when she was in Prep (and still crying at drop off each day), was the laminated love hearts. We drew them, she coloured them in, they were laminated and then cut out. At drop off we would take two love hearts, each kiss one, then swap. She would put her love heart in the pocket of her uniform and know that I was with her throughout the day. It really helped.

Another option is giving your child something of yours. Buy a cheap beaded bracelet and ask your child to look after mummy’s special bracelet throughout the day. It helps children feel important, that they have an important job to take care of something that belongs to you. It can make them feel really special while you are apart. Another option you can use if you are leaving your child at home in the care of someone else is to give them a shirt or pyjama top of yours. They can wear it or snuggle with it in bed. Even though my kids are now tweens and teens, they still ask for my pyjama top in times when they struggle with the separation.

At the end of the day, it is a really passage of time that you will face as a mother. I completely get it. I understand from a social work/psychology perspective, as well as a mother who has been there.

If you would like extra support in dealing with separation anxiety in your child, please reach out to me. I’m happy to help and can see you for a one on one session. Contact me here.

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Dealing with toddlers lying is really tricky because it is something that naturally occurs with all children, but it can really push our buttons. Honesty is often a core value most parents have for their families, and one we try hard to teach our children. Until they are school age, it can be a real challenge. Studies show that lying is like a developmental milestone, like getting dressed by yourself, and that children at 2-3 years old can pick up the skill of lying. By the time they are 4 years old, it becomes pretty normal for most children. 

Why lying can occur

• it’s a great use of their imagination
• to cover something up so they don’t get into trouble
• to see how you’ll respond
• make a story more exciting
• experiment – for example, by pretending something that happened in a story was real
• to get attention or make themselves sound better
• to get something they want – for example, ‘Mum lets me have lollies before dinner’
• to avoid hurting someone’s feelings – this sort of lie is often called a ‘white lie’

Pretending and imagining are important to your child’s development, and it’s good to encourage this kind of play. ‘Tall tales’ don’t need to be treated as lies, especially for children under four years.

If your child is making up a story about something, you can respond by saying something like, ‘That’s a great story – we could make it into a book’. This encourages your child’s imagination without encouraging lying.

Make a family rule about lying

Whether you refer to it as a rule or not, it often helps young children learn about the expectations if it is something you weave into your daily life together. There’s a few ways you can do this:

1. Use books to help introduce the subject of telling the truth vs lying in a non-threatening way
2. Help your toddler learn about honesty from what you practice. If they observe you lying at times, they will start to see it as an acceptable way to communicate. 
3. Support your toddler in their making mistakes. Let them know they are not in ‘trouble’ for doing wrong things. Remind them that no matter what, you love them. Help them see that they can ‘own up’ to doing the wrong things because you will respond in a calm, compassionate way. Children are more likely to lie when they fear your response. 
4. If your child refuses to be honest about an incident, avoid an inquisition. Very few people will fess up to a lie when they feel pressed, and that includes kids. Instead, you can say, “I love you, and I want to understand what happened, but some parts of your story aren’t making a lot of sense to me.” Sooner or later, he’ll probably reveal the truth.
5. Let your child know that he can make amends for his dishonesty with a simple, “I’m sorry.” A lie, after all, is merely a mistake. So when he expresses genuine remorse, it’s your job to display compassion and forgiveness in return. 
6. Hypothesise about the problem with your toddler, “gee I wonder if other girls ever get so angry that they throw their toy and break it?” or “I wonder why some girls might throw their toys?” It takes the focus off your child and they will often blurt out why they did something (instead of perpetuating the lie).
7. Help your child avoid situations where they feel the need to lie. For example, if you ask your child if they spilled the milk, your child might feel tempted to lie. To avoid this situation you could just say, ‘I see there’s been an accident with the milk. Let’s clean it up’.
8. Praise your toddler for telling the truth at times when it could have been easy to lie. For example, when a toy is broken and he admits that he did it. The more often his truth telling is positively reinforced, the more likely he is to continue telling the truth.
9. Talking to your toddler at times other than in the moment of lying. You are more likely to feel calm and you can talk about how the lying makes you feel. You can talk about how it leaves you feeling confused, you don’t know exactly what happened and sometimes it can make you feel sad or angry. It’s important for kids to hear about how their behaviour makes other people feel. 
10. Always tell your child when you know that they aren’t telling the truth. It’s okay to say ‘I don’t believe you’. You can further explain this by saying ‘what you are saying doesn’t make sense to me so I don’t believe it to be the truth’. Be mindful of not using labels such as ‘liar’, but focus on the behaviour. 

In my experience of working with families, toddlers tend to lie for two main reasons – when they fear the parent’s response or the punishment, or when they are seeking connection.

If you practice attachment parenting which tends to be quite gentle, it doesn’t mean you can’t have boundaries with your child. Children crave boundaries, and it is important to build your values into your parenting. What this means is that you can help support your child through their exploration of lying by providing lots of opportunities for connection. Following some of the points listed above will help build the connection through talking. 

I also acknowledge that there sometimes can be situations where toddlers lie for just no plain reason. Last weekend my 5 year old nephew and 3 year old niece both went to the toilet at my house. They returned with the 5 year old saying that his sister did not wash her hands. They had a full on argument about it, and he was near tears trying to convince us that she did not wash her hands. She was adamant that she had. In the end, their mother and I had absolutely no idea who was telling the truth and who was lying. In cases like these, sometimes gentle reminders about the importance of telling the truth is all you can do. Remember, be consistent with your messages, and your child will eventually learn. 

If you would like some one on one support with managing this, please click here.

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This one is SO HARD and there is no easy answer.

This scenario causes mums to do a LOT of soul searching (and more than not, financial analysis of their household income vs expenses).

Things to ponder:

1. How do you WANT to mother? What’s in your soul? Your core? How strongly do you feel about being a stay at home mum versus a working mum?
2. Have you done a financial analysis for your family? If you want to be a stay at home mum, are there expenses you can cut out so it’s affordable? Can you lower your standard of living? I did this to be a stay at home mum until the kids were at school. To go from a double income couple to a single income family, we had to make significant changes in our lifestyle.
3. Find a child care you trust. This is hard in the beginning when most carers start as strangers. But you will generally have gut feelings about people. Follow those instincts. Change the child care arrangements if you are unhappy. Your child will not suffer if there’s a few changes. YOU need to feel secure.

Show yourself kindness and compassion.

If you NEED to work for financial reasons and don’t want to, it’s going to be tough. Show yourself kindness and compassion. Surround yourself with love and support from others. Your heart will break into a million pieces, especially if your baby cries at drop off. I’ve been there.

Both of my kids cried every.single.time. (In fact, Missy Moo cried until the last day of Year 1, every single day). I can’t tell you how many times I stood in the hallway of the child care centre or made it to my car and bawled. (I was a stay at home mum but my kids went to child care as toddlers to give me a break and for socialisation).

Sometimes mums not coping with the arrangements is enough for the parents to re-evaluate their lives and make significant changes so mum doesn’t have to work.

Sometimes when baby settles well into the child care arrangement, mum realises that she CAN do both, that she does actually enjoy the little break from her baby and to do something for herself (whether it be the actual job that’s mentally or socially stimulating or just to have a coffee or lunch in peace).

But for mums who are dreading the return to work and leaving your baby, there’s not a lot anyone can say to make you feel better unfortunately. Just remember that it’s a completely normal response to feel those strong negative emotions: dread, gut wrenching sadness, overwhelm, anger. Ride them out and be kind to yourself. Remind yourself that these are NORMAL. You do not need to toughen up! You do not need to FEEL less.

Coping tips

• Write it all down. Buy a beautiful notebook (Kmart has lovely inexpensive ones) and record your responses. Record how your baby responds at separation. This is your record of a significant change in your life and sometimes getting the emotions out of your head and heart can help you feel better.

• Find likeminded mums. Have another mum give you a hug who is going through the same thing (or has been through it) can be helpful. As with most things in motherhood, feeling alone just exacerbates your feelings. You are NOT the only mum feeling like this. Your baby will NOT be the only baby that cries at separation.

• Ask the child carers to provide you with as much detail of your baby’s day as possible so you feel less out of control. CALL the centre multiple times per day to check on your baby if it makes you feel better. You won’t be calling multiple times months down the track, I promise. Because it might not ever be EASY, but it will get EASIER.

Sending a massive dose of LOVE to all the returning to work mums. I see you. I hear you. I know your anguish.

To find like minded mums and to feel less alone, click here to join the Mama Village.

The post Returning to work and not wanting to separate from your baby appeared first on Making Mama.

We all know the story. You went out to the local shopping centre to get a few jobs done. You had a list of 10 items and only three got ticked off. The baby cried because she was tired and couldn’t sleep. The toddler threw himself on the floor in a tantrum when you wanted him to hurry up with the pull along shopping basket and you tried to ‘help’. Mr Independent wanted to do it all.by.himself. Ugh. The whole thing was a disaster.

Does shopping with young children have to be this hard?

In the ideal world we would all have a village of support where you can pass your baby and toddlers to someone else’s loving arms to care for while you get stuff done.

My top 7 tips for managing shopping with young children

We all need to get stuff done, right? It might be the errands at a shopping centre, or it could be grocery shopping. Trying to do so with babies and toddlers in tow is definitely not easy. It does vary from family to family depending on the temperament of the child and how many children you are wrangling, and other factors outside our control. Here are my top tips I’ve learned along the way by experiencing the hard times:

1. Take a photo of inside your fridge before you go shopping. How many times when you are doing groceries can you just not remember if you need milk? Yep, always. There’s always something you can’t remember because you.are.just.so.tired. Solve that by taking photos of inside the fridge, freezer, pantry before you go.
2. Go shopping when your baby and toddler is not too tired. Taking tired children shopping almost always ends in disaster, unless they are brilliant at falling asleep in a baby carrier or stroller. I used to time my grocery shopping when I knew my baby was tired. This only worked because I would pop her in the baby carrier and she would sleep for the whole hour while I shopped in peace. Put her in the trolley capsule and she’d be crying the whole time!
3. Use snacks to keep your kids happy while you shop. Whether you take advantage of the ‘free fruit for kids’ in some supermarkets in Australia, or you bring your own snacks, if it means you can whiz around without too much disruption – do what works! You can also get your kids to count the pieces of fruit into the produce bags, or ask the toddler to put (aka throw!) each item into the trolley. Involving the kids in the activity can make it more bearable (and can keep them from wanting to climb out of the trolley!).
4. Use your baby carriers for your baby or toddler – put toddlers on your back – it keeps them from touching everything! You won’t find yourself saying a million times to ‘put that back’, ‘don’t touch’ etc. It also helps in this current climate of COVID-19 to keep their hands sanitised. It also gives you two free hands to wrangle the shopping!
5. Work around your partner’s schedule so you can shop alone. When my daughter was 2 years old she hated the stroller, wanted to walk everywhere and touched everything! It drove me mad because I felt like I was constantly asking her to stop and I couldn’t get things done quickly. So, I started shopping on Thursday nights when the shops were open late. I waited until my husband was home from work, we had done the dinner and bath routine, and I had breastfed my daughter to sleep. Then I had about 90 minutes to run like crazy, but it was less stressful and I got more achieved!
6. Shop online. Some mums literally don’t have anyone to ask to care for their children. You might be a single mum, have a FIFO partner, or one who just travels a lot for work, or you might just not want to leave your baby with someone else (completely understandable!). If shopping with your baby or toddler is plain hard work, then perhaps online shopping is the way to go for you. It can really take the pressure off.
7. Do your grocery shopping online. If grocery shopping is becoming a nightmare, or you.just.don’t.have.time anymore, shop online. The prices are usually a tiny bit more expensive, and yes, you may need to pay for delivery, but I swear, you’ll save money from not buying all the impulse buys! You create a standard list on the supermarket website, which you quickly tick through each time, and then grab the extras you need. It has been a lifesaver for me over the last few years as my life has become busier. I also don’t have kids begging for particular foods because they don’t get to see all the options out there – most of which are highly processed and unhealthy anyway!

So, what do you do?

Which tip resonates the most with you?

Being a mother is one of the most rewarding experiences a woman can go through. We all have different stories though – some mums have had the fortune of easy breastfeeding, a settled baby who sleeps for long periods, and babies and toddlers who have calm temperaments so they can get out and about and get stuff done. Conversely, there are mums where things are tough. The unsettled baby, the one who hardly sleeps a wink, the exhausted mum who just can’t go out because the baby or toddler cries all the time. If you are this mum, you can feel like a failure because you don’t have the ‘happy child’, you are a failure because you can’t achieve just a few errands or one whole grocery shop without incident and it all equals one big fat feeling of loneliness. So to help you, I’d recommend following at least one of the above tips. It’s amazing how much better you will feel to achieve something without the screaming child.

Key takeaways from this shopping adventure

1. As always, find what works for you and your child. If your baby sleeps well in a sling/carrier, use it! If your baby doesn’t, maybe online shopping is better for you for right now. Remember, this won’t last forever!
2. Be kind to yourself. If today was a terrible time at the shopping centre, try again another day. You are not a failure, that’s just your critical self talking. You are a good mother whose child just didn’t cope with the circumstances today.
3. The best way to manage the rollercoaster of motherhood is to actually go with the flow. If you get upset and think it’s all too hard because your toddler laid on the floor of the supermarket screaming because you said no to the lollies, it will feel intolerable. Take every win you get. Look for the good.

Final Thoughts

There’s a story about a mum who was overheard in the supermarket saying to her toddler who wanted a toy, “not today, but it’s okay, there’s only 2 more aisles to go”. They went down the next aisle and the toddler threw himself on the floor because he wanted the chips and his mum said no. The mum said, “I know this feels hard, you are tired, but we are nearly finished and then we’ll go home”. As the mum was going through the checkout and the toddler was still crying and wanting the lollipop on display, she said, “you’ve done so well, it’s time to go home and rest now and then do something fun!” The observer approached the mum and complimented her on how well she had spoken to her toddler in a difficult time. The mum turned and said, “oh, I wasn’t talking to him, I was talking to myself!”

If you are looking for more help with mum hacks, check out the workshop called The Messy Life.

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Are you a stay at home mum? Who stays at home? Who has all day to get stuff done, yet suddenly it is almost dinner time, your partner is about to walk through the door and the place is a tip? The guilt sets in. What did you actually do all day? No housework got done, the washing you put in the machine is still sitting in there wet, the dirty dishes are piling up, and you can’t remember if you had a shower. Hmm… if this sounds like you, you are not alone!

How will you ever get housework done?

Yes, I am still in my pajamas. What did I accomplish today? The kids are still alive!

My Top 5 Housework Tips

1. Baby wipes are your best friend! You can use them to wipe furniture, benches, bathroom sinks, walls. They can wipe anything off your baby’s hands and face, or your own. Keep them everywhere – in the house, the car, the nappy bag, the bottom of the pram! If you don’t like the idea of using copious amounts of baby wipes for environmental or financial reasons, buy some cheap face washers. Use them after your baby has eaten family foods and it’s everywhere and then throw them in the wash. Use them to wipe down the bathroom sink! 

2. Clean as you go. While you are brushing your teeth, wipe the sink with a cloth. Having a shower? Scrub the walls. We don’t have time for proper cleaning when we have babies and toddlers so just get the bare basics done when you can. Wipe the fridge out while you wait for vegies to cook. 

3. Run the dishwasher even if it isn’t full. I didn’t learn this tip until my kids were much older but I love it! It means that you regularly have clean dishes, even if you use the eco cycle to use less water.

4. Become a laundry master. For every person in your house, have a separate laundry basket. You most likely throw it all into one basket in a mess and it might get dumped on the couch, your kitchen table, or the floor because you need to use the basket again for the next load. Go and buy a few cheap baskets. Every time you take the washing off the line or out of the dryer, place each item into each person’s basket. That way if you are hectic and need clean undies for yourself, you know to go straight to your own basket and they will be there. You don’t need to sort through the entire mountain of washing.

5. Use containers to stay organised. Kids toys are so hard to keep tidy. If you have people popping over, it’s easy to do a quick clean up by using containers, baskets, bins, totes, to shove everything in! Kids are more likely to help too if you ask them to put things in a container/basket.

Final Thoughts

Mothering a baby and/or a toddler is exhausting. Sleep deprivation makes you move in slow mo, while a cyclone is happening around you. If the only thing you did today was feed your children and love them, that is enough! We are ever so critical of ourselves because someone once said that we must be “perfect mothers” – Supermums – whatever that means. I’ll let you in on a little secret: she doesn’t actually exist! I promise you that your house will not look like a bomb hit it forever. Your children will grow and you will get stuff done. Mama, squeeze those bubbas just a little more because that is way more important than vacuuming and cleaning the bathroom.

If you are looking for more support around managing motherhood in the home, register now for The Messy Life workshop.

The post How to get house work done with a newborn and a toddler. appeared first on Making Mama.

Children and Santa photos. You’ve made it to the shopping centre. The kids are in matching outfits. Waited in line for 45 minutes. It all starts. Crying. Screaming. Trying to run away. Everyone is staring. You try to hold it together. Just one photo. Yep. It’s Christmas. 

Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas Santa!

The genesis of shopping centre Santa photos

For over 100 years families have taken children to have photos with Santa. The children get really excited to see Santa to the point you can almost see the magic in their eyes. They have the opportunity to chat with Santa about what they would like for Christmas. 

Some kids rush to Santa, like a long lost relative they instantly love and adore. Others, are more cautious, gently approaching, as if ol’ St Nick might explode or vanish at any time.

3 reasons your child is terrified of the big man in red

For all the kids who love being with Santa, there are certainly ones who are scared. Let’s look at why this might be.

1. Santa is a stranger

We send mixed messages about kids talking with strangers. We drum into kids about safety around strangers – don’t talk to them, don’t go with them. But then we expect kids to talk to this man once a year and sit on his knee (often alone, while you wait near the photographer). 

2. Santa looks scary

Maybe if kids saw Santa all year long they would become more familiar with him. But who else dresses like Santa, especially when I live in a subtropical climate where it is summer at Christmas? Santa’s face is partly concealed due to his beard and hat. His overweight body and big fluffy costume. Santa often looks like a giant to a small child. 

3. Santa sounds scary

The sound that tells us Santa is near. The big, loud, deep voice that yells ‘HO HO HO’. The sound of a bell. Sounds that are loud and unfamiliar to small children can frighten them. We expect to hear these sounds, but children often forget from one year to the next, especially under the age of three or four years.   

So, what do you do?

One of the key things to consider is, how important are the Santa photos for you?

Santa photos are part of family traditions around Christmas. My mum took us for Santa photos when we were children, so it was just something I did with my kids without thinking much about it. 

The first photo C-Man was 9 months old, so it was a piece of cake. The second year he was 21 months old and I ended up in the photo with him and he looks very less than impressed! The third year Missy Moo was 9 months old and C-Man refused to go near Santa. I remember being disappointed. The next two years neither of the kids would go near him! They were both so scared. From then on, both kids were perfectly comfortable and are in every photo. 

I hang up the Santa photos every year when I decorate the house for Christmas, and it really doesn’t bother me that there are two years missing. I know that I met the kids’ emotional needs by not forcing and distressing them, and really, how important is a Santa photo anyway? 

Key takeaways from this classic Christmas tale

1. Children are often scared of the unfamiliar
2. Children can be confused about mixed messages of stranger danger
3. Consider how important a Santa photo is to you versus the distress of your child

Final Thoughts

Children being forced to sit with Santa while clearly frightened, crying or screaming, doesn’t sit well with me. It makes me feel very uncomfortable. 

Around Christmastime it’s common to see TV shows or social media displaying photos of crying children in Santa photos. I don’t like it. I think it perpetuates the idea that it is perfectly acceptable to frighten children for the sake of a photo. 

From a child’s perspective, their loving parent forces them to sit on the lap of the scariest looking man in a shopping centre for a photo. It is confusing for them, when the person they love and trust the most in the world does something that makes them feel so frightened. This is not the outcome we want as parents.

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Have you ever heard that saying ‘a holiday is the same sh*t in a different location?’ when it comes to parenting children on holidays? It’s a pretty common occurrence that parents will face the same battles in parenting as they do at home – but just located in a different place.

This happened to me when I recently went away for four nights on a mum and kids trip. It was supposed to be heaven. The kids had friends to play with and I had MY friends to “play” with (aka relax by the pool drinking cocktails). All of the kids are older now – they ranged from 9 years to 14 years – so parenting is so much easier. Supposed to be. Except I had one little girl (9 years old) who missed her daddy SOOOO MUCH, that she couldn’t have fun. There were a LOT of tears, and a LOT of grumpiness (by both of us!).  Our happiness as a mum is dependent on our kids’ happiness, right? 

I want you all to know that I get it. It is holiday season in Australia because of summer school holidays and many families go away. They also go away to visit friends and family for Christmas. I get that holidays after children don’t equal the relaxing, fun filled holidays that might have once been. 

It might be that your baby or toddler doesn’t sleep well in another location. They become whingey when out of their comfort zone of home and routine. You might not be able to access food that your toddler or young children are familiar with.

Does this mean that holidaying with kids is not possible?

I guess it really depends on the values you and your partner possess. How important is it to you both to continue travelling? Do you want to continue travelling to foreign places to learn about history and explore? Or, do you prefer a holiday in Fiji where you can swim in the pool and play on the beach? Are you the type of family who embrace camping, and you travel from caravan park to national park and everywhere in between?

Some families accept that they will slow down with their children are very young and they might travel in a different way to when they were childless. Others motor onwards, and help their children adapt to their way of life, their way of travel.

There are many things we can do to help our children on the road. Some mums choose to use baby carriers for babies and toddlers so that their hands are free to carry luggage, they can go on sightseeing walks and tours whilst carrying the children. We can use cheap strollers to push three or four year olds around foreign cities when they get so tired they can’t walk. Families can camp anywhere, anytime, and babies and toddlers can sleep on a mattress under a tree during the day. 

But how do you help a child with their emotions on holiday? When they are exhausted, when they are out of routine, when they are missing someone? Go back to basics. Be there. Hold your child. Provide whatever comforts are helpful. My kids took a t-shirt each of their dad’s on our recent trip. They slept with the t-shirts. It gave them comfort. You can use skin-to-skin to help settle a baby or toddler who is just ‘out of sorts’. 

Holidaying with kids doesn’t have to be a disaster. It is just different. It will be something that you also adjust to, get better at, and come to terms with as time goes by. It is MUCH easier now that the kids are older. Even though there are often still issues, they are different, and they are easier.

Join the village to find out more about how to support mothers in their adventures with their kids. https://makingmamavillage.com.au/

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It’s really common for mums to look for sanity tips after they have a baby. One of the things many mums tell me is how overwhelming they find it when they first come home with their baby. There’s so much we just don’t know before we have our baby, some of which we just don’t learn because our village has been lost, and some of which because we need to simply experience it to understand it. Like sleep deprivation. Did you EVER know how hard that was going to be?! 

The problem is that with the loss of the village, and the loss of family in close proximity to many new mothers, new mums are often left feeling alone. Even for mums like me who knew quite well how to CARE for a newborn, I didn’t know how it felt to be sleep deprived and I had never breastfed before. I had never cared for a baby whilst having severe abdominal pain from a ceasarean section, and I had never experienced severe nipple pain before whilst also caring for a baby. So I was in a new zone. Is that where you are?

Top tips for motherhood 

• Sleep when baby or toddler sleeps. Seriously. Leave the housework. Get some rest. The only opportunity you will have is with your first child. By the time your second baby is born, your older child will need entertaining or supervising and you won’t get to rest (unless they are at daycare by then). I used to love going to my bed during the day with my toddler when I was pregnant with my second. We would read books and then both of us would sleep. I never had the opportunity to do this again when the baby was born. I so needed it during my pregnancy though!

• Lower your expectations. With cleaning. With cooking. With parenting in general. Maybe you used to love cooking from scratch before you had kids. And now there’s no time or you are just too tired. So buy a few jars of pasta sauce! Maybe you can manage to cook from scratch a couple of nights per week, particularly when your partner is home. Cook extra serves and freeze for the nights when cooking just isn’t happening.

• Order in or eat out. If you’ve just had one.of.those.days, don’t keep pushing. Just get takeaway. It won’t hurt your toddler to have pizza or McDonald’s one night or matter if you have an omelette for dinner. It’s about lowering those expectations. Sometimes it’s just not possible to have a fully cooked meal on the table seven nights per week.

• Eat little and often. If making your normal meals throughout the day is becoming challenging, then graze on foods throughout the day to keep your energy up. Remember that if you are breastfeeding you will be burning extra calories through the day so you will need more nutrition. Sometimes not eating can make mums feel sick, so eating little and often can be helpful to settle the tummy.

• Use a diary or planner. If ‘pregnancy brain’ or ‘mummy brain’ is getting to you and you forget more than you remember, write it down! Write all your appointments, coffee catch ups, mothers’ groups, birthdays etc in a calendar so you can keep track. Using an electronic one is great because it’s with you everywhere you go and you can check it and make appointments/catch ups on the go.

• Get into a routine. This isn’t for the kids as such, but for you. If mornings are so difficult to get out of the house, prep the night before. Nappy bag packed. Lunch boxes/snack boxes packed. Mum’s outfit chosen/kids outfits chosen. It might increase your nightly taskload, but it will make things run smoother in the mornings.

• Get out of the house. Staring at four walls and not getting fresh air can drive you batty. Pop bub in a pram or carrier, go for a quick walk around the block, or a slow walk, depending on where you are at with your birth recovery and fitness. Otherwise, just wander around a shopping centre. You might find yourself chatting away to anyone who will talk to you (I know I did!) because you crave other adult conversations. That’s okay. There’s usually someone around who will chat.

• Exercise with your kids. It might be that walk with the pram or the toddler is on a bike or scooter while you walk. You might find a gym or outdoor exercise program that has a creche, OR a family centred exercise program so you can all do it together. There’s plenty around. For a few years I went to an outdoor bootcamp that had a creche inside a building and then I joined another bootcamp where babies and toddlers could be there with their mums. Mums stopped exercising to breastfeed their babies and tend to their children but mostly got a workout and it was a great option!
• Last tip: learn to say no! Sometimes it’s really important for your body to rest, for your mental health, for your kids to have some downtime if you’ve been really hectic lately, to just say no and stay home. Maybe you get asked to a social event and your calendar is actually free. It’s still okay to say no! Prioritising yourself and your children is within your rights and it’s important to do so!

Mums Feeling Good

At the Making Mama Village workshop series we cover a lot of this content in the last session. Mums need to learn tips to save their sanity, but also to realise you don’t have to do it all. It’s okay if you are not doing everything perfectly the way you might have done before you had children. You want to feel supported in your efforts to do the very best you can. At the end of the day your children will know that you loved them by what you say to them and how you act with them, not because you have a gourmet meal on the table each night and a clean house. We’ve moved on since the 1950s thankfully!

Have you signed up to join the village yet? Go here to do so: https://makingmamavillage.com.au/

You can check out more about the workshops on offer here: https://makingmamavillage.com.au/services/

The post Sanity tips for mums with babies and toddlers appeared first on Making Mama.

Anyone who is a mum knows how incredibly exhausting it can be in the middle of all the joys it also comes with. Unless you have an amazeballs mother’s group who share the ins and outs of everything to do with parenting, you might have missed some of the little life hacks to help you get through the days and the weeks.

Do you wish you had this magic list of hacks? You’ve come to the right place! I’m all about supporting mums. If I hear of a great tip I’ll be sure to let you know! I want all mums to feel supported so they can focus on loving their children and focus on the joys that motherhood can bring. I don’t want mums to feel so bogged down in the mess of life that they can’t see the happiness that is mixed in. So here is my list of mum hacks to get through your days. Some are things I did when my kids were babies/todders and some I’ve found from other sources:

1. Write a weekly dinner menu. This is sooooo helpful to get dinners sorted! You don’t have to THINK each day about what to have for dinner. You don’t have to do a last minute scramble because you forgot to thaw out the meat for dinner and it’s now 5pm. Write it out on a Sunday or a Monday morning and then forget about it. Except each night, remember to take the meat out of the freezer and pop in the fridge for defrosting for the next night’s meal. This is especially important if you follow the next tip!
2. Make use of your slow cooker. We all know that the late afternoons can be a ferral time in most families. The witching hour, from about 5pm-7pm, is when toddlers are whingeing, babies are crying or cluster feeding, and mum is ragged. So rather than fight the fight day in and day out, cut yourself a break. Meal prep in the morning when life is more manageable, kids are happier, you can cut vegies in peace, and pop everything in the slow cooker. The only thing that prevents this from happening is if you forget tip #1 and your meat is not defrosted! If you don’t want to use a slow cooker, you can still chop vegies and put them in a container in the fridge for later on. OR, completely cook the dinner in the morning and reheat at night.
3. Take a photo of inside your fridge before you go shopping. How many times when you are doing groceries can you just not remember if you need milk? Yep, always. There’s always something you can’t remember because you.are.just.so.tired. Solve that by taking photos of inside the fridge, freezer, pantry before you go. 
4. Use snacks to keep your kids happy while you shop. Whether you take advantage of the ‘free fruit for kids’ in some supermarkets in Australia, or you bring your own snacks, if it means you can whiz around without too much disruption – do what works! You can also get your kids to count the pieces of fruit into the produce bags, or ask the toddler to put (aka throw!) each item into the trolley. Involving the kids in the activity can make it more bearable (and can keep them from wanting to climb out of the trolley!).
5. Do your grocery shopping online. If grocery shopping is becoming a nightmare, or you.just.don’t.have.time anymore, shop online. The prices are usually a tiny bit more expensive, and yes, you may need to pay for delivery, but I swear, you’ll save money from not buying all the impulse buys! You create a standard list on the supermarket website, which you quickly tick through each time, and then grab the extras you need. It has been a lifesaver for me over the last few years as my life has become busier. It’s a better use of my time to do other things now. I also don’t have kids begging for particular foods because they don’t get to see all the options out there – most of which are highly processed and unhealthy anyway! You can either do ‘click and collect’ where you drive to collect it, or you can have it delivered to your house where the driver will bring it straight into your kitchen if you wish. I even ask for mine to be left outside the front door and I make sure I’m home soon after to get the cold stuff inside!
6. Make the week’s sandwiches on a Sunday. If you have school aged kids, kids who need packed lunches for daycare, lunches packed for days out, or hubby’s lunch for work – make all the sandwiches in one go on a Sunday and freeze them. Most cheeses and deli meats can be frozen. If you take them out of the freezer the night before or the morning of, they will thaw out by lunchtime. It saves.so.much.time.
7. Group errands together. Some babies and toddlers just hate being dragged around while you get the necessities done. Or, you have a toddler who won’t sit in the stroller anymore, wants to walk and be independent, but runs away and touches EVERYTHING! Group your errands together so you can hit the chemist, post office, and bank all in one go. You’ll get it done and feel great for ticking it off the list! 
8. Go late night shopping. I used to do this once per week when my daughter was between 2 and 3 years old. Tip #7 was her. She NEVER would walk with me, always running off and touching everything. How many times can you say ‘can you pleeeeease put that back!’. So I fixed it by just not shopping with her anymore. I waited until I gave her the last breastfeed before bed, and raced to the shops. I often only had an hour or so until closing, and I raced around like a lunatic, but I actually got heaps done!
9. Do online shopping. If getting to the shops is just too hard, resort to online shopping! We have Christmas coming up so there’s heaps to be done and little time to be wrangling kids. Jump online, most shops have an online store now and shipping can be free if you spend over a certain amount. How easy to walk outside your door to pick it all up! But see tip #10.
10. Tick the box for online shopping to be left in a secure place. So, you do the online shopping for ease but you happen to be out when the parcels are delivered and you come home to find the postcard note stuck in your door saying it’s now at the post office! Argh! Drive to post office, get baby and toddler out of the car, they touch EVERYTHING in the post office, and then you have to wrangle kids AND parcels back to the car. It’s like you’ve run a marathon! Just tick the box. Or sign something, anything, to say to leave the parcels!
11. Baby wipes are your best friend! You can use them to wipe furniture, benches, bathroom sinks, walls. They can wipe anything off your baby’s hands and face, or your own. Keep them everywhere – in the house, the car, the nappy bag, the bottom of the pram! If you don’t like the idea of using copious amounts of baby wipes for environmental or financial reasons, buy some cheap face washers. Keep them around the place. Use them after your baby has eaten family foods and it’s everywhere and then throw them in the wash. Use them to wipe down the bathroom sink! 
12. Clean as you go. While you are brushing your teeth, wipe the sink with a cloth. Having a shower? Scrub the walls. We don’t have time for proper cleaning when we have babies and toddlers so just get the bare basics done when you can. Wipe the fridge out while you wait for vegies to cook. 
13. Throw toys and lego into a lingerie bag into the washing machine. Saves scrubbing them some other time and they get clean at the same time as your clothes!
14. Run the dishwasher even if it isn’t full. I didn’t learn this tip until my kids were much older but I love it! It means that you regularly have clean dishes, even if you use the eco cycle to use less water.
15. Wear a backpack. When you go out there’s nothing worse than holding a crying baby or picking up a tantruming toddler off the floor while trying to manage a nappy bag or handbag on one shoulder. It’s time to go hands free! I’ve seen some great stylish nappy backpack bags recently and it means mum wears it evenly on her shoulders to reduce pain and her hands are free to deal with the baby or toddler. Even if you babywear your baby/toddler on the front of your body, you can pop the backpack on your back!
16. Choose a pocket in your bag for essentials. Whatever bag you decide to use – nappy bag, backpack, handbag – keep your essentials – your credit card, cash, phone, keys in one place ALL THE TIME. This means in a hurry you know where to look and don’t have to empty out your entire bag looking for your keys. It’s always handy when your child is screaming and you just.need.to.get.in.the.car. Perfect for scolding hot weather or rainy weather too! Fast fast fast!
17. Give the kids their own backpack. As your children start to get a bit bigger (maybe about 3 years and older), give them their own bag. It helps them feel independent to carry their own things, and it gives them life skills about what they need to take when they go out. Obviously in the early years you will do it all for them, but as they get older they can take responsibility for packing their own bags (even if you have to do a last minute check on the way out the door!). Their backpack can contain nappies, extra clothes, food, drink bottle, hat. If they lose the plot throughout the day and won’t carry it anymore, it just means you know exactly where to go to look for a change of clothes or food for that particular child. This is helpful if you have a tribe and you don’t have to ferret through an enormous bag of your own for the size 3 clothing for your son!
18. Keep a second nappy bag in the car. In an emergency – you either forgot to pack the nappies, or it’s been one poo explosion or vomit after another and all the clothes are dirty – be rest assured you have a back up! Even if it’s a plastic bag – pop nappies, wipes and a change of clothes for the kids AND an extra top for YOU in the boot of the car. It will be a lifesaver when you really need it!
19. Keep a bag or box of other stuff in the car. What else could you possibly need? It depends what climate you live in. Maybe a bucket and spade for beaches or sandy playgrounds, talc powder to take off wet sand on your child’s skin, towel, gumboots for jumping in puddles, socks for indoor play centres for the kids and YOU (in case you need to go with them on the equipment – saves you forking out money for new ones at the venue). 
20. Keep a bath towel folded length ways on the floor of your car. This was a lifesaver for me when the kids were really little. It catches sand, dirt, bark, food and anything else (spills, vomits etc). It’s easy to shake out or throw in the wash. It protects the carpet or carpeted mats on the floor of the car and you don’t need to vacuum very often. Alternatively, you can purchase rubber mats which are easy to shake out and hose off.
21. Become a laundry master. For every person in your house, have a separate laundry basket. If you aren’t anal like me and HAVE to fold every item of clothing as you take it off the line, you most likely throw it all into one basket in a mess and it might get dumped on the couch, your kitchen table, or the floor because you need to use the basket again for the next load. Go and buy a few cheap baskets (and get them delivered!). Every time you take the washing off the line or out of the dryer, place each item into each person’s basket. That way if you are hectic and need clean undies for yourself, you know to go straight to your own basket and they will be there. You don’t need to sort through the entire mountain of washing.
22. Use containers to stay organised. Kids toys are so hard to keep tidy. If you have people popping over, it’s easy to do a quick clean up by using containers, baskets, bins, totes, to shove everything in! Kids are more likely to help too if you ask them to put things in a container/basket.
23. Use storage with wheels to save your back. We know that mums who are pregnant or have recently given birth have difficulty with lifting heavy things. If you use a storage container and fill it with toys it can be tricky to lift. You are more likely to be able to tidy up if you can wheel the box across the room. 
24. Make tidying up a game. There’s a few ways you can do this. You can ask young ones to count how many toys they put in the box, to just focus on one type of toy (eg, ‘can you find ALL the matchbox cars and put them in the box?’), or have a race (‘who can pick up the toys the fastest?’). Kids love racing. I often race my daughter to see who can get dressed the fastest in the mornings. It’s a winner most days!
25. Toy power. Is part of the mess of toys that you just have too many now? And the kids don’t really play with them anymore? Rotate, rotate, rotate! Put some toys in a box in the cupboard and don’t take them out for a few weeks. When you bring them back out they are like new toys again, and get lots of play time! Put another set in the cupboard and continue to rotate.
26. Inflatable pools for indoor play. If you have a baby who is sitting, and not yet crawling much, pop them in an inflatable (empty of water) pool inside the house with some toys. You can get a few things done nearby without the baby crying because the toys have rolled away.
27. Inflatable pools for outdoor play. How great is sitting in water on a hot day? Sit in it yourself! Babies and toddlers can get cranky when they are really hot, so a shallow pool of water is ideal for some water play. It’s great for getting kids used to splashing water on their faces, or having a cup of water poured over their heads. Even if you have an inground pool, the inflatable pools are great because there’s less risk with the really shallow water *you will need to provide constant supervision though!
28. Daytime bath/sensory play. If an inflatable pool isn’t an option, try a bath! Bathtime for kids, especially babies, doesn’t HAVE to be before bed. If your little one is unsettled or it’s particularly hot, try a bath. You don’t have to use a lot of water, but just enough to splash around in and cool off. You can always hop in a big bath with your baby or toddler for some ‘mummy and me’ time. It’s great if you haven’t been having time for a shower because you kill two birds with one stone – bath for mummy and bath for child.
29. Make a cushion mountain. This is your chance for a rest. Grab some big pillows or beanbags and make a calm down space in the house. You and the baby can lay there, or toddlers will love jumping on the cushion mountain or pile of beanbags. There’s nothing to say you can’t lay on the floor and rest while your toddler is jumping around!
30. Sleep when baby or toddler sleeps. Seriously. Leave the housework. Get some rest. The only opportunity you will have is with your first child. By the time your second baby is born, your older child will need entertaining or supervising and you won’t get to rest (unless they are at daycare by then). I used to love going to my bed during the day with my toddler when I was pregnant with my second. We would read books and then both of us would sleep. I never had the opportunity to do this again when the baby was born. I so needed it during my pregnancy though!
31. Lower your expectations. With cleaning. With cooking. With parenting in general. Maybe you used to love cooking from scratch before you had kids. And now there’s no time or you are just too tired. So buy a few jars of pasta sauce! Maybe you can manage to cook from scratch a couple of nights per week, particularly when your partner is home. Cook extra serves and freeze for the nights when cooking just isn’t happening.
32. Order in or eat out. If you’ve just had one.of.those.days, don’t keep pushing. Just get takeaway. It won’t hurt your toddler to have pizza or McDonald’s one night. It doesn’t matter if you have an omelette for dinner. It’s about lowering those expectations. Sometimes it’s just not possible to have a fully cooked meal on the table seven nights per week.
33. Eat little and often. If making your normal meals throughout the day is becoming challenging, then graze on foods throughout the day to keep your energy up. Remember that if you are breastfeeding you will be burning extra calories through the day so you will need more nutrition. Sometimes not eating can make mums feel sick, so eating little and often can be helpful to settle the tummy.
34. Use a diary or planner. If ‘pregnancy brain’ or ‘mummy brain’ is getting to you and you forget more than you remember, write it down! Write all your appointments, coffee catch ups, mothers’ groups, birthdays etc in a calendar so you can keep track. Using an electronic one is great because it’s with you everywhere you go and you can check it and make appointments/catch ups on the go.
35. Get into a routine. This isn’t for the kids as such, but for you. If mornings are so difficult to get out of the house, prep the night before. Nappy bag packed. Lunch boxes/snack boxes packed. Mum’s outfit chosen/kids outfits chosen. It might increase your nightly taskload, but it will make things run smoother in the mornings.
36. Get out of the house. Staring at four walls and not getting fresh air can drive you batty. Pop bub in a pram or carrier, go for a quick walk around the block, or a slow walk, depending on where you are at with your birth recovery and fitness. Otherwise, just wander around a shopping centre. You might find yourself chatting away to anyone who will talk to you (I know I did!) because you crave other adult conversations. That’s okay. There’s usually someone around who will chat.
37. Exercise with your kids. It might be that walk with the pram. Or the toddler is on a bike or scooter while you walk. Or you find a gym or outdoor exercise program that has a creche, OR a family centred exercise program so you can all do it together. There’s plenty around. For a few years I went to an outdoor bootcamp that had a creche inside a building and then I joined another bootcamp where babies and toddlers could be there with their mums. Mums stopped exercising to tend to their children but mostly got a workout and it was a great option!
38. Last tip: learn to say no! Sometimes it’s really important for your body to rest, for your mental health, for your kids to have some downtime if you’ve been really hectic lately, to just say no and stay home. Maybe you get asked to a social event and your calendar is actually free. It’s still okay to say no! Prioritising yourself and your children is within your rights and it’s important to do so!

At the Making Mama Village workshop series we cover a lot of this content in the last session. It’s important for mums to learn tips to save their sanity, but also to realise you don’t have to do it all. It’s okay if you are not doing everything perfectly the way you might have done before you had children. It’s important that mums feel supported in their efforts to do the very best they can. At the end of the day your children will know that you loved them by what you say to them and how you act with them, not because you have a gourmet meal on the table each night and a clean house. We’ve moved on since the 1950s thankfully!

Have you signed up to join the village yet? Go here to do so: https://makingmamavillage.com.au/

You can check out more about the workshops on offer here: https://makingmamavillage.com.au/services/

The post Mum Hacks appeared first on Making Mama.